Journal 41

Another day of nothing much to say. I allowed myself a peaceful moment today. I have been so upset over what happened and so stressed over myself feeling that others were pushing me to just “get over it”. I realized today that I am on no one’s timeframe except my own and that I can […]

Journal 40

Today is going to be a hard day, guys. I had nightmares, I can’t stop thinking about all the stupid mistakes I’ve made. I keep filling up inside with anger and resentment and sadness. I am now trying to convince myself that he’s dead. I think I could cope better that way, I mean, I […]

Journal 39

Nothing to say, I am tired. My muscles ache slightly. Since Wednesday all I have eaten is a couple handfuls of pretzels, a single bite of a scrambled egg, a bite of mashed potatoes, and a couple fries. When I eat, I just feel sick. I don’t know what I am doing. I broke like […]

Journal 38

I have no one to talk about this with. I hate it, I do. I feel very alone. I am sitting in my car, in the dark, and my mind is in a very dark place. I am angry that Bi- took away my power and my voice. He took away every single avenue that […]

Journal 37

Fuck you. GOD DAMNIT, FUCK YOU. This has been the most fucked up day. Why the fuck do you hate me, existence?! Please for the love of the gods, PLEASE just leave me alone. Please go away. First I am blocked on someone social media accounts and phone because WHY THE FUCK!? Am I truly […]

Journal 36

This is the first day of a new chapter. Today I came up with the first line of my memoir. I am excited about the author that is writing for me, I can’t tell you how exceptional he is. Ready? Here it is… I am as close to a Superhero as a human can be. […]

Journal 35

Bi-, I hope this letter will be my last entry in this chapter of my life. Although I do not agree with your decision, I do respect it. So, I will let you go. Before I lock away this chapter, there is a lot I need to say. I know that the likelihood of you […]

Journal 34

Please tell me that I can get through this day. I need the willpower to get out of this bed. Ugh, I can do this. I can do this. I will do this. The most important thing I can do today for myself is get out of this bed. Just focus on one step at […]

Journal 33

What a dichotomy – the people who come in and out of my life. It seems that the ones I fall for are the ones who leave and the ones I don’t fall for are the ones who stay. Why is it that I fall in love with the people who leave me? I obviously […]