Journal 74

Once again I find myself with my fingers on the keyboard, ready to write – but what do I write? I want to write, but the thoughts behind the words just make me cry. I want to write happy things. But my life is tragic. I am somehow still hanging on by a single thread, […]

Journal 73

Loving a person who doesn’t love you back is hard – it’s a full time job. There’s a scenario in your head where you’ve designed a life with them yet it will never be realized. What’s the next best thing? Do you try to re-write those plans and place someone else in them? Maybe you […]

Journal 72

Look, I have Borderline Personality Disorder. I tell people that I have depression and that I have PTSD (I do have these both), but the real trap, the real me, lays within BPD. How can I be truthful about this to people who come into my life? How can I ask others to be “ok” […]

Journal 71

Word vomit – when the brain cannot make coherent sentences to describe what you are thinking or feeling internally, thus what comes out in writing belongs to random categories and of varying degrees of sanity. g- I’m so angry at you.You left to enjoy yourself and also left behind a massive fucking hairline fracture that […]

Journal 70

I’ve kept myself busy for a while. Classes ramped up and between midterms, finals, and all of the projects due – I didn’t have much time to think about much. But today, I finished it all. Today, I am not feeling so great. I was surfing through movies/shows for something to watch and came across […]

Journal 69

Tired is a good word to use for how I feel today. Coming off the holiday rush is like finally handing over the kids you’ve been babysitting for an entire day. You crawl into bed…and you just don’t come out for an entire day. Sometimes I wonder if it’s age-related, laziness, or hard-life-related as to […]

Journal 68

I usually write at night before bed to get things off of mind. When I write all these jumbled thoughts out, my mind quiets down just enough to allow me to sleep. But this morning, I woke up and decided to write. I go in today to get the dressings and stitches removed from my […]

To Bi-,

Bi-, Today is my 33rd birthday. I just woke from a dream where we met again. You needed a plus one to an event. You were mean to me and told me not to look into it, that it would only be for a day. The rest of the dream unfolded into what good dreams […]

Journal 67

I want to write what is on my mind, but I am not yet ready to. Just know that it is eating me up inside, like a festering disease. On a different note, because I am trying to kill time by writing, may as well write something of substance. Things in my life have been […]