Today just felt weird, you know? I woke up with this sense of foreboding and it never really went away. There are a lot of external variables that are causing me anxiety and high levels of stress. Among those are things like feeling trapped in my current circumstances, seeing someone I know make stupid mistakes, dealing with incompetence from others, having to spend my own money for materials for my jobs, working at a place that is ill-prepped for carrying out its main goal, working at a place that highly values indoctrination, old and sick dogs, micromanaging friends, love life choices and lack thereof, being completely broke and now indebted, working for free, dealing with people who work against their own best interest…gods, the list goes on. I feel like I’m drowning here.

And through all of this mess, I just want…I NEED something/someone to just hug me. To care and want to talk to me (besides Ge-, I’m always reaching out to others and no one reaches out to me). I want someone beside me that will just stroke my hair, text me because they feel weird and empty if they’re not talking to me, interested in hearing about my day. I’m tired of feeling that way about everyone else and it not being reciprocated. It sucks. Sigh.

Just having a bad day. I want a lot of things to change and none of that change can happen without money. And the fact that my life is still and probably always will be beholden to money really just makes me feel ill and I wonder a lot of life is worth the hassles and stress and heartbreaks.