It’s 1:00 am and I’m laying in bed staring into the blackness of my ceiling, I think I may have a mild case of COVID at this point – maybe it’s just allergies with headaches, no fever, and sore throat. Anyway… I had an epiphany. My life has been a failure. I’ve lost the ones I loved, I spent my life sacrificing to make others better. People just get angry because they don’t “get it” until 10+ years later and then call me stating, “I get it. I’m sorry.” I “survived” a lot of shitty awful trauma from my childhood. I lived my life in a selfless but selfishly way because I really just want to be heard in this world and admired for all of my talents and struggles. I just want to be included. Lately, all I am is ignored by EVERYONE. I’m so fucking invisible. Anyway, what a fallacy, right? My epiphany made me realize a) I’m not special and I will never be special, b) my success was dependent on others my entire life and you can’t depend on others (they will 100% let you eat dirt so long as they don’t have to), c) I have failed at everything I’ve ever started, d) I will never amount to anything, e) I’m too jaded to ever feel happy again. I am nothing besides a waste of O2 – I get that now. Cool…so what do I do with my shitty unspecial and meaningless life? Guess I’ll continue to do what I do best. Gain weight, be a loser, shun everyone away from me, and die unhappy. Just as I deserve.

Let’s see…Happy birthday, Billy. I love you my sweet doggie Pow pow. Thanks to those who have went out of their way to help me in my worst moments. Sorry I failed you. Please spend everyday trying to be the best versions of yourselves.

Thanks universe, you stupid cuck.

I’m giving up.

Goodbye for now.