I usually write at night before bed to get things off of mind. When I write all these jumbled thoughts out, my mind quiets down just enough to allow me to sleep. But this morning, I woke up and decided to write. I go in today to get the dressings and stitches removed from my ear. Fingers crossed that I regained my hearing and that the tissue graft took. Oh, and, I am almost finished with my beast of a paper. Today, I will be prepping my home to host Thanksgiving for friends who have no where to go.

My birthday was a roller-coaster ride. The night before, I told someone casually that I liked them (As in their personality, presence, etc). I was met with a proverbial pat on the back and a “Everyone adores you!” response, which deflated my sense-of-self for some reason. Why did it? I was also still heavily affected by the anesthesia medications running through my veins, so I wasn’t thinking clearly. I spent the day in a depressed state as my phone blew up with well wishes from people. I didn’t and still haven’t responded to any of them.

But then, closer to my birthday dinner, I started to lighten up from the gloom of the day. I saw one of my favorite people, who I will now call Uncle Joh-, because Ro- and I have deemed him to be the world’s funnest Uncle. He is jolly and is always making jokes and laughing. We carpooled to Pho and afterwards, to a Taiwanese dessert place. At one point, I looked around the table at Pho at everyone eating and laughing and talking. and I was very happy that I didn’t take my life. I brought all of these people together and they are forming friendships that were missing from their lives and meaningful connections to others who share similar interests. We already feel like a family. But after everyone left, things returned to dismal, not because of the residual effects of earlier in the day, but because Ro- and I got into an argument. It’s a complicated story but all you need to know is that some people can be unintentional assholes. Or secretly intentional. I haven’t figured it out yet, but it’s on the to-do list. Ro- finally acquiesced to telling his parents that we are no longer together. We had a…discussion about many things, nothing that I want to relive here in the present. It wasn’t a great conversation. Yeah, definitely not interested in reliving any parts of it. So, let’s move on.

I stayed up until 1am chatting with Ri- last night, in-between falling asleep and waking back up numerous times. Last night, I asked him to tell me his favorite things, and he did.

Ri-‘s list of favorite things:

• Hot tea on a cold night
• A fluffy donut and coffee at school on a Saturday morning
• Waiting on his favorite people to come in and build a robot (and get into related shenanigans). Also that he gets donuts during build sessions
• “Those five or six or ten notes that manage to express a feeling that stirs you even after 30 years” (Referring to music)
• One atomic fireball + a glass of cold water on a hot summer day
• Small cats
• Favorite alternative-universe version of himself – A physicist that lives in Southern France and is on the ITER project, married to JK Rowlings, and races Superbikes
• Favorite alt-universe version of himself #2 – Still teaches high school engineering and math, but won the lottery and started his own school, the James Marshall Hendrix Academy of Engineering and Music. Specific purpose to educate first-generation professional musicians, scientists, and engineers.

I should probably get on with my day. Lots to do.