It’s past midnight and I just finished one of the two major projects that are due for school by Tuesday. I missed ballet for the first time and missed a cosplay event…and I can’t tell you how many hours of sleep I’ve missed these last few days. Tomorrow morning, I will continue on with the second project. I’m hoping to have at least /some/ time before my week resets to focus on my art. This is all relatively boring, I’m sorry about that.

I am still being plagued by nightmares. I fear going to sleep, so I stay up as long as possible and work on school stuff until I pass out without being knowledgeable of it. Then of course, the nightmares come. Every single night.

I have finally packed away everything that reminds me of, you know who. The stuffed animals, my favorite red dress, all of the art work and doodles, all of our pictures, etc. I just couldn’t function passing by something that reminded me of him. I look at my life in terms of limited years. The idea that I will never again see, hear, or talk to someone that I love is…well…it’s devastating, but it’s also a hard pill to swallow/accept. So I guess the next best thing is to just try to forget…I don’t know. I don’t know what to do except just focus on the to-do list in front of me that I keep updating everyday.

My best friend is flying in soon to visit. I am equal parts ready and not ready. The day he flies in starts this timer where he will fly out again. So in that regard, if he never flies in and I continue waiting, he never has to leave. You know, I am a really good cook. People love my recipes and I’ve won cooking competitions. But every single time I have ever cooked for my best friend, something has gone wrong. I am set on creating a delicious meal so that after like 6-7 years or however long we’ve known each other, he can finally experience what all the fuss is about. And we got some fun things planned. A Halloween party at the Science Academy. Perhaps a trip to the Redwoods. And I have an inking to do some hiking around Lake Tahoe. Oh, and course, there’s D&D.

Last session, a group member found themselves interrogating a young bandit who was clearly new to his career choice. He begged to be let go. The party was split on what to do, so as leader and Paladin, I offered a neutral solution. Cut the guys tongue out and then let him go. Everyone wins, right? He doesn’t die, he won’t talk and can’t scream to alert anyone, I see it as a win-win. Next thing I know, I’m receiving deva dreams of a fiery maw opening beneath my feet with gangrene rows of teeth. What!? I am lawfully Neutral! What else was an option? Kill him or let him go? Cutting out his tongue, we could have succeeded in letting him go without feeling any consequences and he didn’t have to die to stay quiet. Anyway, the DM disapproved of my (very sound) advice and poor Atlas slumped in the corner of the stables, seething to herself.

I don’t really have anything else to write about. I’m exhausted and need a few hours of sleep although the thought makes my heart race. My dog has an appt with a lung specialist next week. I hope she can offer me some better alternatives.