Horrible night of sleep, plagued by nightmares. Woke up crying and subsequently learned that all of the power was off in the neighborhood. Wrapped up in a blanket and sat outside next to the lagoon and closed my eyes for a while. My inner voice keeps screaming, “You only block bad people out of your life! Am I a bad person?”….”Am I a bad person?” I have spent my entire life fighting against the bad people of the world. I have experienced the bad people of the world. Am I just one of same? …Am I a bad person? I couldn’t live with myself if people see me as a bad person. I don’t want to be a bad person.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

Its going to be a busy day. Lots of school work and hours in the library. The Meetup group that I host has a big day. Dinner in San Fran and then screening of a film, Parasite. My legs and ankles are killing me from ballet last night.

I am just laying here in tears. I don’t want to be a bad person. I feel so gross with myself.