Nothing to say, I am tired. My muscles ache slightly. Since Wednesday all I have eaten is a couple handfuls of pretzels, a single bite of a scrambled egg, a bite of mashed potatoes, and a couple fries. When I eat, I just feel sick. I don’t know what I am doing. I broke like a wooden toy and I no longer function correctly. But the good news is that it’s finally silent around me. I don’t focus anymore when looking outward. I just advert my eyes and let them glaze over and look at nothing, feel nothing, think nothing. It works. It gets me through the day. I am a dead person who is relatively alive only in the medical sense. I don’t have anything to say. I wish this were more exciting but nothing is exciting about emptiness.

I went to the Renaissance Faire today. I played with baby goats. I rubbed their fat bellies. I love animals. I walked around the circle of merchants who more or less sold the same wares. An old man picked out a flower crown that matched the color of my green eyes and placed it on my head. Then he wove ribbons of green and gold throughout my hair and crown and told me I was the most beautiful fair lady for his flower crown. I circled the Faire in a daze. I watched a man swallow swords, a lady tried to sell me fresh eggs, and I watched a Queen, in all her red glory, recite lines of grandeur. I released a series of throwing knives into a target and my feet got dirty. I didn’t find what I was looking for (what was I looking for anyway?) and so, I went home.